Ms. Valerie Frizzle, an area 4th grade teacher, is in hot water after her latest impromptu field trip to Sirius, a 17,000 degree Fahrenheit star. Apparently, little Arnold Perlstein was accidentally jettisoned into the cold depths of space towards the burning hot mass of gas and plasma. “What? How did this even happen?” asked an understandably confused, upset, and alarmed parent. “I thought my kids were just learning science in their classroom. I wasn’t even informed that they were going on any field trips” she continued. “I was trying to send him in orbit around the star”, explained the completely rash and foolhardy teacher. “Sirius is a brilliant main-sequence star and offers an absolutely fantastic view up-close” she added. “This crazy lunatic didn’t take into account the fact that Sirius is actually a binary system when she entered the coordinates into the magic bus’s exopod. This, of course, threw off the computer’s algorithm.” explained a local astrophysicist. Unfortunately, that oversight spelled doom for poor little Arnold. “What a completely irresponsible and reckless person” he added. “The sad thing is that Arnold was never really a fan of these field trips in the first place” added Wanda Li, one of his classmates. “Arnold was probably the smartest one in the class, but he was really timid when Ms. Frizzle got it in her mind to deposit us in the middle of the ocean to fend off deep-sea creatures or journey to the center of the earth. I guess it’s ironic that the star pupil died in a star. Is that the right use of the word ‘ironic’? I don’t know. We kinda only ever learn about science in Ms. Frizzle’s class” Wanda explained. Apparently, this is not the first time her class has embarked on a shockingly dangerous field trip without parental consent. When asking the surviving children about other trips they have been on, they cited adventures inside exploding volcanoes, being shrunk to the size of blood cells to explore the inside of a sick student’s body, and even getting baked into a pie. The list of bizarre and imprudent trips goes on and on. One has to wonder how more children didn’t meet a dire end at the hands of this dangerous, empty-headed psychopath. When authorities came to take Ms. Frizzle into custody for her numerous and flagrant safety code violations, and now, more recently, manslaughter, one Ms. Valerie Frizzle was nowhere to be found. Also missing was the school bus itself. Asked to speculate on her whereabouts, a fellow colleague threw her hands up in exasperation and commented, “Man, that bitch is crazy. She probably turned herself into a frog or some shit.” Use Code: TIPSYDILLY For 12% off your next order!!